Tuesday, 4 January 2011

My father invented cheese

No-one ever believes me when I say that, but it happens to be a fact.

The story goes that when he was a young lad, he was in the kitchen, intending to make a bacon and egg sandwich. He accidentally undercooked the egg, and overcooked the bacon. When he mixed them together, it produced a tangy by creamy cheese tasting product.

He immediately ran naked through the streets of London, pronouncing 'Cheese, cheese, I've invented cheese'. After he was released on from the police station, he returned home briefly, before being sectioned under the Mental Health Act.

Here's one of my favourite cheese-based recipes:

Cheese Sandwich

1 x lemon

48 x mushrooms

3 1/2 x battered tomatoes

12 x cloves of garlic

1 x salmon

Fry the lemon until alight, dice the mushrooms and rub in the microwave. Batter the tomotoes further, smash with a hammer and add to the lemon. Eat the garlic, and vomit if neccessary. Pour the lemon and tomatoes onto the samon and boil for about a day.

(As an alternative to this dish, you may want to order a pizza).