Wednesday, 23 February 2011

Some people are so ungrateful

My next door neighbour is always going on about how time consuming and hard work it is to mow her lawn and look after her flowers. So, when she went away for a few days, I arranged for her entire back garden to be concreted. It took the best part of a day, and wasn’t cheap, so you can imagine my shock when I didn’t get as much as a thank you. Far from it in fact – she called the police. I mean, how was I supposed to know she wouldn’t want it concreted? She never said, “Wally, just so you know, under no-circumstance ever cover every inch of my back garden in concrete”. Yet, somehow, I am expected to know this. She said, ‘all my lovely flowers are gone’ – which is a complete lie. I couldn’t afford a skip, so all the flowers and grass have been dumped on the front lawn.

It makes me really wonder if I should ever do anything nice again. I was going to paint all the glass in her windows black, as she complained too much light gets into her house, but I’m not sure I will now.

And yet I’m the one with the eviction notice being processed against me!

As per usual, I’m sharing a recipe:



1 x whole chicken
1kg of beef
500g of diced kangaroo (wallaby can be used instead if kangaroo is not available)
14 x pigs trotters
1 x teaspoon of olive oil
1 x large onion.
Balsamic vinegar


Chop a small amount of all the ingredients and throw the rest away. Place in an oven dish and bake at gas mark 5 for about 4 minutes, and leave to cool for an hour before serving.

N.B. This dish is revolting and should not be consumed under any circumstances.